Nagging Tales
What do you nag your wife about? How do you nag your husband? What are your mutual nags?
A Wife: “My husband is the worst driver ever, I say. Sometimes, he drives like a granny, so slow and overly cautious that I’m afraid we’re going to get hit from behind. But then, out of nowhere, he’ll make an incredibly reckless left turn, right in front of oncoming traffic. I yell at him not to turn, since I’m the one in the passenger seat so I’ll be rammed first. Then, he complains that I nag him about driving, and why can’t I just be quiet.”
A Husband: “I need to be left alone for a while when I come home from work, but my wife is all over me about the kids or helping with dinner. She’s been home from work for half an hour already, so I want my time for me. I nag her to let me be.”
More nags from husbands and wives, and a chance to add your own.
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Tell your Nagging Tale, right here, and let wives around the world know that they are not alone. Help us all out and contribute today!
A Wife: “My husband seems to believe that if there’s food in the house, there’s no need to go out to dinner. Ever. If I suggest that we go for a pizza or Chinese, he says we already have food, and to stop nagging. But he never, ever cooks, so I never get a break.”A Wife: “I can tell where my husband has been from the trail of mustard he leaves. He’ll eat standing up, and there’s a blob on the kitchen counter, a bigger one on the floor, and sometimes even one in the freezer, where he’s reached in to get ice. If I ask him to clean it up, he gets all testy, like it’s my fault there’s mustard everywhere.
A Husband: “I nag my wife about leaving me credit card and debit card receipts. I like to keep a list of our expenses, and I get pissed when she doesn’t produce her proof of spending."
I didn't think I had it so bad. I worked, paid the bills, did all the shopping, cooked, cleaned, raised the kids, and pretty much made all the decisions. My husband went to work. That's it. But, when I felt overwhelmed and asked my husband to help me more around the house, he said "you need a wife". That said it all. Now, I force myself to do less. and refuse to do many of the things I thought were my job, like the cars, the lawn, the taxes, plumbing, and anything that has to do with repairs on the house. Needless to say, some things still don't get done, but I don't sweat it any more. I realized it was me, and, until I changed my routine, he didn't have to. Now, he helps me. We both cook, clean, and, after 41 years of marriage, get along better than ever.
Shoes? She is being told to "ask" before she buys a pair of shoes? This is not nagging, this is controlling, and destined to get worse. If he doesn't trust her to make a good decision about shoes (of any price) than they really need to sit down and have a serious heart to heart about the deeper issues here.
We have no kids, so it's really just the two of us that we need to clean up after -- but my husband hates cleaning and puffs and moans like a child when I ask him to help me. I do the grocery shopping, cooking, laundry and the finances (while working full-time as well). He will help me eventually, but he argues and negotiates. Then it takes 10 hours for him to do the three things I asked because he decides to play video games simultaneously.
I wish he'd just say "Yes, sweetie. Anything you need I will do." That would be a load off my shoulders.
My wife has nagged me so much about improperly doing the laundry, washing the dishes, driving, paying the bills, even washing my hands. That I feel like I am stupid, it gets depressing. Yet, I know that I am equal to the task, even better at many projects that requires some use of logic to complete it.
When I heard the Term Superior Wife syndrome, it was a light that went off, It's Her problem...not mine.
I suffer from Superior Wife Syndrome - I have it so bad, I am divorced and will probably never remarry.
Once my daughter was born and I was working, taking care of the house and everything - I lost all respect for my husband. He was like a speed bump in our relationship - he offered nothing to the relationship.
And before we divorced, I realized I made him that way. I told him what to do. If he tried to take any initiative, I criticized him. Then I was unhappy that he was completely dependent on me...
I hope that this saves someone else from making the same mistakes that I have made! Now that I am on my own, with my daughter and very happy - it is really hard to see what any man could offer to our family. I am happy, but I am not sure if I will ever be in a relationship again...
I didn’t shove my ex aside to do chores for him, because we worked different shifts. I would leave him a list of things that needed to be done while I was at work, and invariably, he wouldn’t do them. After a couple of weeks, getting them done became urgent enough that I did them myself.
It became apparent that he LIKED working different shifts, because if we were home at the same time, I could make him do his chores; if I was at work, he could spend his days lazily reading and watching TV.
Eventually, I found that there were two chores he would do, because he could see how they affected him: he would go for groceries if we ran out of his favorite foods, and he’d do laundry if he ran out of clean uniforms (he’d get demerits for wearing a dirty uniform to work). I did have to do some grocery shopping, since he’d only buy the things he liked, heavy on the junk food, no vegetables, but picking up a few fresh veggies takes a lot less time than having to buy everything.
I just opened my copy of The Superior Wife and wasn't terribly shocked to find out that I meet the definition. I've suspected that my "do everything" default is the reason for my growing resentment of and plummeting respect for my husband of seven years.
I'm looking forward to giving the "marriage revolution" a try. If you're interested in following me, you can do so at http://superiorwifeexperiment.blogspot.com.
This is a wake up call! Imagine if your employees or children had to come to you for every single thing before they made a decision...you'd NEVER be able to take a vacation or a break! I want a partner, not a dependent.
I need to let my Man do it "his way" (yes, I HATE the way he folds towels so what do I do? I refold them and hate every minute of it!), otherwise, I will end up doing it all and hating my life. I am engaged and I see that I'm heading down a slippery slope of being a "Superior Wife". I'm starting to realize that he was able to dress himself, keep himself and his house clean, keep food on his table, and otherwise get through life for 40 years before he met me, so I amd going to force myself to not "take over" things for both him AND myself just because we are married.
This is a great concept, thank you for writing this book and for helping a SW-in-training like me break the cycle!
I am definitely a superior wife and I can't stand it. But I suppose I have driven my husband to this. The one thing I can't stand is the fact that even though we created our two children together (made the decision to have children and procreated), he refuses to get up with them in the morning (or in the middle of the night when they were tiny). He tells me he can't wake up before his alarm (yet I have to every single morning) and when I tell him I am mad about it, he ignores me, rolls over and goes back to sleep. Any time I complain about our relationship, he just ignores me. His thinking is (and he has actually confirmed he thinks like this) that if she nags, I'll continue to do what I was doing before she started nagging....nothing! For example, if I complain that he doesn't do the dishes enough, then he will continue to NOT do the dishes as 'punishment' for me nagging about it...but he doesn't understand that makes the problem worse. MEN!!!! Well when he gets served his papers at work, mabye he'll think twice and become a better man for his next wife....
My husband, a former neat freak before marriage, shaves with an electric razor every other day. There are tiny specs of hair everywhere afterwards. hair on the sink, the mirror, even our toothbrushes. He never cleans this up. He pours Dr. Pepper in the restroom sink and does not bother to rinse afterwards. Lastly, he smokes and leaves ashes everywhere, especially in the sink and bits on the restroom flour. I'm sure that you all are cringing by now.
When I ask him to clean up after himself, it's as if I've asked him to remove his own kidney. He says, "I'll get around to it" (normally three days later) or "If it bothers you that much, clean it up".
Are you kidding me?
I view my husband as my fourth son. He will be my "ex-husband" soon. When he lost his job in 2005, he wallowed in self-pity. My full time job required me to travel frequently and I usually came home to laundry, dishes in the sink and no food in the pantry! He thought he was a very involved Dad because he "watched" his own kids...which meant he was involved in their sporting activities. The only job he'd try to do with any regularity was take out the trash...but he was only mediocre at that since he was still sleeping many times when the garbage truck came by our house! When I met him (as a single man), I thought he was highly motivated because he worked all day and went to school for his MBA at night. I didn't realize his parents were still catering to his needs (his Dad would bring his shirts to the laundry).
I resent my husband for his lack of motivation to help me, but the breaking point for me came when he was out of work and he let me pay all the bills and do 90% of the work around the house. That coupled with his temper ended our marriage. I know I'm not perfect and I probably have many characteristics of OCD, but my next partner will work equally with me in the home without me begging nicely, then thanking him for his help!
Let's not forget that this book describes only up to two-thirds of marriages. It is important to consider the remaining third. These marriages might be equal, equitable, tipped the other way (superior husband), or something else. I am a superior husband: I work, handle all finances, take care of 2 cars, do the laundry, wash the dishes, take out the trash, feed and play with the cat, etc. I don't believe I should have to ask my wife to do things - after all, she is an adult. She tells me I should just ask her. I have managed to swallow my pride some and have started to do that. But when I do, she sticks her tongue out at me (literally). And what really bugs me is when I'm washing the dishes and she sits down at the table to tell me about her day, rather than picking up a towel to dry dishes. I try to be understanding because she is a full-time graduate student, but so was I up until June. My general point is that we should not forget the exceptions to the rule!
I made a rule when I first had my husband move in with me, the same rule I used on the ranches I worked. I ask twice, if its not done, and it NEEDS to be done (food, we have to eat, laundry, I only wear pants once, picking up dog vomit, it stinks) Then I will do it myself. If it doesn't NEED to be done (vacuuming can wait, watering plants can wait, spot cleaning floors can wait) it waits until either my hubby does it or I find the time to do it.
This doesn't work, by the way, because husbands are smart, and they will out-wait you.
Not only that, but in the case of mine, he will nag you constantly until you make time to do (Fill in blank) and refusal to make time will result in a major, knock down, drag out nasty fight. I have actually been nagged incessantly to pick up his one (Count it, ONE) drink beer can off the coffee table, for days (Many!) until I stated very calmly that he's walked past the can and then the recycle ten times since then, and could very easily deposit it there himself. %&%((#@$.
I don't ever tell him he did anything wrong when he does it. I don't care if he does a half @$$ed job washing dishes, I am not a clean freak and I will eat off a still dirty plate, hey, at least I didn't have to clean it!
So why then, does he refuse to do anything I ask, and constantly nag me to do what he could just as easily do while I was doing five other NEED to do things? I don't know, but I do know his lack of insight and nagging has nagged him straight into a divorce. Now, he will have to pick up his own dirty socks! Have fun! LMAO!
